Why kids would ban divorce

Meet Jack. He’s 13 and has never known his dad. Jack spends hours in his bedroom and is angry a lot of the time. He’s confused about what it means to be a man and wishes he could chat to someone about it.

Jack isn’t real, but his experience is. In fact, according to a leading think-tank, 2.7 million children in the UK have no father figure at home.

That’s more than the populations of Bristol, Newcastle, Leeds and Birmingham combined.

Lads Need Dads

The Telegraph recently profiled the Lads Need Dads organisation, which is working to “change society” by helping boys who are without fathers.

Sonia Shaljean, the group’s founder and a mother of three boys, says young men are suffering from a “father wound” – hurting and sad from being without someone to call “dad”.

She points out: “As well as boys growing up with single mums, we have boys who live with grandmas, same sex parents, and also boys with additional issues such as ADHD, ADD, dyslexia and aspergers”.

Lads Need Dads is helping these people by running activity workshops – ‘honouring and acknowledging masculinity’ – by focusing on tasks such as fishing, cooking, carpentry and first aid.

Heads in the sand

But Shaljean notes that it’s not just boys who need fathers, girls need them too. And both need a mum and a dad.

The consequences of family breakdown do not simply ‘wear off’.

Kids do best when they live with their married parents.

Despite the data overwhelmingly showing this to be true, such statements are usually immediately attacked as an assault on single parents. Examples of kids doing well with a single mum get rolled out as ‘proof’ that it doesn’t matter if both parents aren’t around.

And it’s true there are many that do a sterling job, working tirelessly to bring up their children. But as a society, we must acknowledge that what’s best is for kids to have both parents nurturing them as they grow from that helpless little baby to a strong and (semi) independent 18-year-old.

To do otherwise is to bury our heads in the sand. Divorce has a huge effect on children – an effect that does not go away quickly, if ever. One report found that children whose parents divorced are still suffering from the damaging effects into their 50s. The consequences of family breakdown do not simply ‘wear off’.

Ban divorce

Because children get hurt when their parents split up, it’s not a surprise young people don’t like it. A survey from 2008 found children under ten, when asked what they would do if they ruled the world, put ‘banning divorce’ at the top of the list. There is no evidence that in the intervening years kids have suddenly taken a liking to it.

Most single millennials back marriage

People who have suffered still back marriage. ‘More’ magazine found 80 per cent of women whose parents divorced still want to get married.

And last month the Church of England found most single millennials want to tie the knot.

Think of Jack

You would think people in positions of power would do all they can to boost marriage. But that’s sadly not the case. Activists now want to make it easier to get a divorce, with even some Supreme Court judges backing the idea.

‘No fault’ divorce would radically change our current system. At present a woman who has suffered because of an adulterous husband can get a divorce for that reason. But under a no-fault system, couples could simply walk away from each other, causing more pain for children.

So next time you meet a ‘Jack’, think of the sadness he’s faced. But also think of the possibilities for him with the benefit of strong male role models – and of how countless future children will benefit when we promote marriage.